I’ve been getting asked a lot lately, “How do I get over my ex?” and I am constantly hearing “I just can’t let go of him!” (if my sister is reading this, she’s laughing right now!)

There is nothing worse for womankind than having to deal with getting over an “ex”. It feels like the end of the world has hit us. A breakup leaves us feeling insecure, ugly, lonely, hopeless and even worthess!

Well dry those eyes, ladies, and pull out those stilettos!!! I have a few simple steps for you that will catapult you outta this self induced prison!

Grieving is a natural human process over a loss. Think about what people go through when a loved one dies? This same grieving process applies to breakups. A breakup is a painful loss to some. But what happens to us when we can’t let go? I can answer that very simply. We torture ourselves by constantly reliving our past and our past relationship.

Here’s my simple “5 Step Process to Surviving a Breakup”:

1. I have a motto that I tell myself when things seem really bad in my life. That motto is “Nothing is ever as bad or as good as it seems”. I think that this statement holds true in regards to just about any circumstance that life can throw our way. When we first experience a painful breakup, we need to repeat this motto to ourselves over and over again. This breakup isn’t the end of the world, even though it might feel that way at the time. Make this mantra a part of your daily life. Write it down and repeat it to yourself over and over again until it sinks in to your head!

2. You can’t move forward if you are constantly looking backwards. When I went through my divorce, someone had told me that I need to think of my life as though I’m driving in my car and looking out at the road ahead through my big, front windshield. This person told me that the rear view mirror was made small in my car for a reason, and that was so that I could keep my eyes straight ahead and focus on the bigger future that lies ahead of me. We drive forwards and not backwards for a reason. Remind yourselves of this.

3. Accept the things that you cannot change and change the things you can. This is truly my mission statement in life!! It’s my abbreviated version of the serenity prayer that solves most of life’s problems for me. If more people in the world abided by this principle, the world would be a much better place to live. I can’t tell you why your relationship didn’t work out and why he did the things that he did. Nobody on this planet has those answers for you. Chances are, you won’t ever have the answers to those questions. I know that’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s the cold, hard truth. When you learn to accept that there just aren’t any answers sometimes, you can begin to heal. Accept that you can’t change what happened, change him, change the situation. It’s beyond your control. What you can change is how you are going to move forward with your life and how you are going to allow yourself to feel from this point forward. You have the complete control over your own emotional health. Allowing yourself to dwell in the past is your choice. Again, accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can. This is your key to freedom and healing.

5. Don’t allow yourslef to think about him anymore or to wallow in the past. Take a moment to give yourself one last good cry over him and to get it out of your system. Now say to yourself, “I don’t go there”. This is your new catch phrase when you feel like you want to relive the past or cry over him. This worked miracles for me in getting over my ex husband. I allowed myself after a year of excruciating agony to have my one last cry over him. I commited myself to the above steps and I let him go. Just like that.

Every time from that day forward that I thought about him, I repeated to myself, “I don’t go there!”. I committed to NOT allowing myself to live in the past anymore. I accepted that I couldn’t change what happened to my marriage and that I can’t control that he left. I realized that what I could change was me sitting around all day being depressed. I started to realize that I could control my emotional health and my future, by controlling my emotions.

It wasn’t easy at first, but the more that I didn’t allow myself to live in the past, the easier it got for me! (I don’t go there!) Before I knew it, I was much happier and I was finally able to begin focusing on my future instead of being stuck in my past. It became a habit for me not to dwell on my past hurts anymore.

I explained to my sister the other day that dwelling on your “ex” is like sticking your wet finger into an electrical socket. You’re going to get shocked each and every time you do it. Every time that you think about your “ex”, you get hurt. The simple way to solve that problem is to just NOT allow yourself to think about him!!

I hope that this helps all of you who are suffering out there with a painful breakup. All that I can say to you is that I’ve been in your shoes and I feel your pain. It’s awful. I promise you that if you use these simple steps, you will get better and life will get easier for you sooner than later.

Feel free to email me with any questions at thethingswomensay@gmail.com. I’ll try to help you in any way that I can!